* Oh, Lillie, Lillie, Lillie…

Chocolates.

Dark, deliciously aromatic, innocent little bundles

of sugar and melting goodness.

From the smallest child presenting a foil wrapped heart to their school teacher on Valentine’s Day, all the way to the guy in the Philippines sourcing a cacao pod, chocolate, in all its forms, holds a place in our emotional centers. We offer chocolates to the loves in our lives to win favor or incite passion. We turn to it for comfort or a chemical patching of holes in the brain when we need a boost or positive endorphins. We fantasize about it. We don’t just consume it, we USE it. It is, in a sense, the only aphrodisiac able to safely be consumed by children, cranky women and college kids alike.

Whack. Its a word. It describes something done by one who takes their shit to the places nobody dares to go and laughs out loud about it. Whack is what happens when you take a chef/ recovering line cook, let him loose with cacao nibs, a highly evolved imagination and free creative license. The proper vernacular, when applied to the result of this marriage is spoken as follows: “This shit is whack, man!”

Named for the two loves of his life, Jeff Shepherd grows his berries organically for his shop, Lillie Belle Chocolates located in Central Point, OR.  Fortuitously, his place of business lies just across the parking lot from the Rogue Creamery. With competing aromas, its hard to decide where to go first when standing betweeen both buildings. With a respectable sales floor and pretty damned nice looking truffles, bars and other goodies stylishly displayed, the place looks like a cozy store full of temptations. Step into the back, however, and its a den of iniqity with a soundtrack teeter-tottering between psychedelic acid rock and gypsy punk bands. Wicked things happen behind the glass, my friends, wicked things indeed!

I was graciously offered a few days of making bonbons at the end of this insane culinary adventure. My hours done, the bulk of the worst behind me, I got to screw off in a chocolate factory for three days of Theobromine therapy. Like the man says, yes, it is as much fun as you think it is, and it oughtta be illegal. As if ganja were pumped into the AC system,  a few days at Lillie Belle made me feel a lot more relaxed and happy- it was one of the two highlights of the end of my summer.

His Posse Rocks.

Okay, so it takes a lot of knowledge and talent to make chocolate well. It also takes a certain degree of being twisted enough to pull off Easter bunnies with multiple body trauma and bacterial infections for $15 each. That said, you can imagine what it takes to be inspired to take food and totally manipulate it. You need people around you to foster that creativity and execute your vision with style, Yo!

Jeff. So many incredible things to say about him but it will all sound like ass-kissing. Its not. Its utmost admiration for the way he has carved out a life that makes him happy. The identifying characteristics of this dude are the penchant for Hawaiian or vividly colored psychedelic shirts, a ponytail and glasses that make him look a little like the hurried rabbit in Alice In Wonderland… kinda fits the general demeanor, too- got an idea, just can’t sit still until it gets done, brain gears all engaged. Add the soundtrack from Woodstock, blend it with a mosh pit and you have Jeff Shepherd.

The three characters I had the great pleasure to work with were Laura, Dan and Maia. With very different gifts and talents to offer, they make Jeff’s chocolates perfect every time. Dan slinks in early, before the rooster is awake, and rocks out in the quiet hours before the party starts. Laura shakes her booty and the chocolate molds, building up muscles I have never used in my life. Maia graces the floor with fabrication as well, and her high notes are definitely in the form of mutilating innocent widdle chocolate bunny-wunnies. All three move about in great rhythm, one even with a flourishing little flick of the knee like a prancing pony (no, its not Dan). The crew just works, man!

What goes in, must come out…

First, start with a cacao nib that has been fermented. Grind the piss out of it and then let it be mashed between stone grinding wheels with sugar for around a week. Let it progress from a coarse, non-cohesive glob into a shiny, velvety, smooth and fragrant flow of chocolate the color of redwood tree bark. Then fuck with it big time.

As most of the chocolates at Lillie Belle are filled bonbons, ganache and caramel become half of the equation. Fine chocolate is a good start, but a filling that makes your eyes water is a whole other story. Never one for filled chocolates, after too many disappointing boxes of Russel Stover et al, I was a little leery of the Beast Within. Yep, I am that asshole who puts a thumb through the rear end of a candy, turns up their nose at the findings and shoves it back in the box. I know you have done it, too, so piss off…
What makes a filled chocolate go from crap to crazy is the ingredient list, and the shorter the better. With things as far out as boosted scotch from the Scottish Parliament, bacon and habanero chiles, an innocent little box of sweeties for your sweetie becomes a full frontal assault on the mind. Some of the bars even have a warning, such as the appropriately named Do Not Eat This Bar bar. I made the rookie mistake of stuffing a good sized wedge in my mouth one afternoon and was myseriously culinarily handicapped for about three days until the mucosa on my tongue re-epithelialized (Lay Translation: It was pretty messed up, but in a good way!). The kinder, gentler, yet no less crazier than hell truffle called the King was rife with Elvis’ favorites- Peanut butter, bananas and bacon. That shit is just too cool for words.

I never ate my weight in chocolate, but I tried like hell.

Not every girl gets to walk in off the street and play with chocolate, and I am grateful for the opportunity, no matter how it may have come about. I learned, saw, did and heard many things I have never experienced in my life (Gogol Bordello tunes, anyone?), and for that whole funkadellic journey, I am totally grateful.

The most important things I learned from my brief time at Lillie Belle? Stand on your own merits. Stand your ground and be yourself. Stand up to your ass in a vat of melted chocolate if you ever get the opportunity. If chocolate makes you happy, then get off your LazyBoy and do something about it. It ain’t just for eating, my friends. Its life coaching in a tidy little package.

To view images from my chocolate orgy, please feel free to click HERE

… but remember that your drool on your keyboard

is YOUR problem, not mine.